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The Girl
Is trying to figure out who she is one day at a time.
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EXit if you hate it.
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...written on 2008-05-12, @ 1:44 p.m.
I did not mean to find you. I swear I didn't but I didn't stop reading when I recognized you either. Your words change but they don't really. I hope your happy. I hope things have worked out for you the way you always wanted them to.
They did for me. Not that you care but I'm pretending, just for a minute, that we're friends again. I'm pretending for a minute that everything is fine.
I don't know who you thought I was. I really don't. I never said I'd be a good friend because everyone knows that isn't my forte. I'm flawed in so many ways and I can admit it.
Did you know that someone loves me now? I didn't even expect it. He's everything I hoped for. We've got this passion that I never really thought would happen in my life. Sometimes I wonder if he is that guy for me. God knows I've given up way too much for him not too be. I've made a conscious effort not to shut him out. We both know how good I am at that. He still things I'm standoffish and I am. I'm scared of loving so much I'd let him get away with anything though.
I guess that is it too. I'm scared of giving all of myself to people because it hurts so much to have that thrown in your face. I mean, even you tossed me away, right? I don't blame you for that. Not really. We both made mistakes. I just find it hard to not care about you...even now.
I'd like to think that someday down the road we'll be grown-ups. Have coffee in European cafes and adventure like we always wanted to. At the same time, I never want you in my life again. I don't really know what to think of that.
Mostly I want you to be happy. God, I want that for you more than anything. I hope you find who you want to be and who you want to be with. I pray that everything falls into place.