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Potential
...written on 2009-03-20, @ 5:21 p.m.
People keep asking me what goals I have, what I want to be in the future, and I answer with a million plans. Sometimes I am afraid I will never be strong enough to have the grand adventures I desire. Once I wanted to be a writer but I was never brave enough to try. I'll never run away to New York or write a manuscript about something beautiful and true. Other times I want to be a wife and mother. Married and happy even if I'm a pauper. Sometimes I wish I was elegant and detached enough to play high society but I know I will never ever be that.
More than anything I wish to be good and loyal. I want my home, my family, and my own skills to bring me joy. I want to make a life where I won't need great plans. To help others selflessly even if it gets me killed. I want to be that kind of person. I want to look at death as some sort of adventure.
But mostly I'm just scared I will die when I am happiest and then there will be nothing. I'm terrified I will lose my chance to be great even though I have done nothing to be great.
Do I have potential?